


So Big, So Small

by sweetprentiss



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Vulnerability, first time saying I love you, girlfriends being soft, mention of menstruation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:07:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25037491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetprentiss/pseuds/sweetprentiss
Summary: Holtzmann has been uncharacteristically quiet and calm today and you want to figure out why. No loud music, no over-the-top dancing, and no incessant chatter about everything and anything. Sometimes a cuddle on the couch is exactly what the doctor orders to help your sad girlfriend feel better.
Relationships: Jillian Holtzmann/Reader, Jillian Holtzmann/You
Comments: 7
Kudos: 19





	So Big, So Small

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came to me at 1 this morning and demanded to be written and shown to the world. This takes place sometime after Call Me By My Name, so check that out if you haven't!

Holtzmann has been acting strangely all day— stranger than usual, at least. Like normal on Saturday, you have accompanied her in the morning to a breakfast date and then to the lab for a half-day of work. She usually blasts music and dances while fixing whatever weapon had been broken that week during testing or a bust. Flirtatious winks and provocative hip thrusts usually constitute most of her vocabulary for the few hours you spend in the lab. Today, though, her music is quietly drifting from the speakers and she sits calmly, working on improving the outer shell of a proton pack. 

Thinking it was just delicate work replacing faraday cages, at first you dismiss the unusual change of pace. But once she switches to hammering and bolting things back together and doesn't turn the music up or hip thrust in your direction even once, you are worried. After about 30 minutes, you put down the papers you have been grading and walk up to her workbench. 

“Hey sweetie, whatcha workin’ on?” 

Your voice is sugary sweet and you could see a soft smile on your girlfriend’s face. 

“I’m just about to finish up re-plating this ecto-shield I’ve been working on for Erin, what’s up?” 

Jillian puts down the metal contraption gently and looks to you. 

“You’ve just been awfully quiet today and I just want to make sure you’re feeling alright.” 

You circle around the bench and place your wrist on her forehead, pretending to check for a fever. She chuckles and pulls your hand down, giving it a soft kiss before intertwining her fingers with yours at her side. 

“I’m okay, baby. I’m just in a funky mood I get in sometimes. Are you ready to head back to your place?” 

You lean in to press a kiss to her lips, the taste of her new chapstick lingering as you pull away. It’s reminiscent of a popsicle treat you didn’t care for as a child but you now seem to love on your girlfriend. 

“Yeah, let me pack up my things.” 

You leave together hand and hand, braving the crowded lunchtime streets of New York City. It doesn’t take long for you to reach your apartment in the village from the firehouse in Tribeca. Holtzmann is uncharacteristically quiet as you walk the city streets but her grip on you never loosens.

As you let yourself into the apartment, she kicks off her shoes and heads straight for the bathroom, citing she needs to “release the kracken” and asks you again if you want to try menstrual cups. You laugh and nod, telling her that you’ll try it if it means she’ll stop saying that when she has to change hers. 

Knowing that your girlfriend is hit or miss with having cramps when she is on her period, you move to the kitchen to make her a heat pack. You pop some popcorn, dump half a bag of m&m’s in it, and settle on the couch. As anticipated, Jillian comes out rubbing small circles on her belly. You open your arms to her and she quickly settles in them. With one swift motion, you place the heat pack on her belly and the bowl of popcorn in your lap. She grins sweetly at you and nuzzles her head in your shoulder. 

After a few minutes, she starts to fidget and you look over to her. When she notices you staring, she looks almost like she has been caught, so you decide to ask if she’s okay. 

“Yeah, I, um...” 

She trails off and bites her lip. You rub her shoulder soothingly and remind her that she’s safe with you and that if she wants or needs something, she just has to ask. 

With wide eyes, she looks to you, to the bowl of popcorn on your lap, and then puts the bowl on the table in front of you.

“I, uh, IwouldreallylikeitifyouheldmeI’mfeelingextrasadtoday.” 

Having been with Jillian long enough now to be able to decipher her stifled, often lightning-quick speech, you pull on her a little to encourage her. 

“You want me to hold you? Okay, baby.”

The petite blonde quickly scrambles onto your lap, flinging her arms around your chest and shoulders. She gently nuzzles your cheek with her own and sits there quietly, soft breaths from her nose hitting your chin. Holtzmann is no stranger to physical affection, but the way she so tightly curls around you in this moment is different. Instead of being the fierce protector that she always has been in the months you have been dating, she is showing you her vulnerable side and asking for your strength to carry the both of you in this moment. It feels reminiscent of the first time you called her Jillian and the way she cried at finding safety and warmth in your arms. 

You reach up and stroke her back gently, staring at the cartoon playing that you both had fallen in love with for the lesbian undertones and the sheer amount of magical, powerful women fighting together against oppressive tyrants. On the screen, the main character and her lifelong best friend share a tender moment on screen for the first time. Jillian lays her head down in the crook of your neck and you can feel a hot tear slide down into your shirt. Looking over, her eyes are closed and your heart breaks just a little for the woman who so often carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. You press a kiss to her forehead and tighten your arms around her. 

No words are shared between the two of you for a long while, you sensing that Holtzmann needs some time to just exist without any pressure. When she finally picks her head back up, you look at her glittery eyes and give her a soft smile. You know how hard it is for Holtzmann to share this vulnerability with you because you have the same near inability. This knowledge makes this moment ever so much sweeter because you bet you could count on one hand how many people in the whole world Holtz would let see her like this. 

She runs a hand across her face and smiles back tiredly. 

“Thank you for this.” 

“You don’t need to thank me, Jillian. I love you and there is nothing I wouldn’t do to help you.” 

Her eyes widen in surprise but then her surprise is replaced with a toothy grin. “You love me?” 

You smile back, “Of course I do, silly. I love you so incredibly much.”

She ducks her head into your neck and presses a soft kiss there. “I love you, too.” 

You tilt her chin up so that she is looking at you and then kiss her. It isn't a passionate kiss but one filled with the weight of the words you had just shared for the first time.

“Besides, would I let someone I don’t love get snot all over my favorite t-shirt?” 

You both laugh but sober quickly. You can see in Jillian’s face that she is still not feeling like herself. You maneuver yourselves so that you are laying on the couch and she ends up with her head on your chest, wild curls tickling your nose. You feel her breath start to even out and you rub her back gently. 

“You love me.” Her voice is thick with sleep. 

“That I do, sweet girl, that I do.” You continue to rub her back as you both drift off into a sleep filled with dreams of first kisses, first names, and first declarations of love.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you for reading! Let me know what you think, I love feedback.


End file.
